Full Time Practice

Monday, March 25, 2013

What Not to Say

(Written by Nan Barker, WIL Committee chair.)

I found an interesting article in the LDS Living magazine last week (March/April 2013 issue).  It was entitled "What Not to Say to Stay-at-Home or Working Moms".

Reading it made me think of things people have said to me, as well as things I may have thought about others.  Here are the two lists:

What Not to Say to Stay-at-Home Moms

It must be nice not to have to work.  What do you do with all that free time?  Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen cupcakes for the class party tomorrow?  If you're tired, why don't you nap when the baby does?  I could never do what you do--I'd die without adult conversation.  I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.  Huh, I thought your house would be spotless.

What Not to Say to Working Moms

I love my kids too much to let someone else raise them.  We gave up the luxuries in life so I could stay at home with the kids.  I could only get to the gym three times this week!  You look exhausted.  I'm surprised you went back to work...your husband seems so successful.  I'd give anything to have a break from my kids all day.  Don't you feel guilty for missing all those special moments?

It's interesting isn't it?  We all seem to make judgments based on choices others make.  

One of the goals I've always had with regard to Women in Law, is to make it a safe place, where no one feels judged for the choices they've made.  This quote, by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, describes my feelings  exactly.

Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all ... should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.

Let me assure each one of you, you do fit into Women in Law.  You are needed.  You are not being judged for the choices you've made.  Instead, you are respected and honored for the "beautiful sound" you bring to the whole.


  1. Great article Nan! It is so true that we are all needed and we all need to be accepting.

  2. Love it, Nan! This is a topic that is on my mind frequently, and it's why WIL is so great. Thanks for sharing!